like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
