remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
