Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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