my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
