i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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