i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
