I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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