I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He is an equal opportunity slut.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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