No subtext here. People are naked.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
