We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
