I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
