Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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