so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
