he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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