I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How's work?
Spinning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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