a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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