guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
