i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
