dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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