Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
