so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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