i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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