ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
