Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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