his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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