I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
