I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
