I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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