Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
