my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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