Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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