Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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