Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"