Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(520): View more from Arizona

His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now

(310): View more from California

Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...

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(520): His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now (310): Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok... http://tfl.nu/uoe6

Replies (14) Good night (4339) Bad night (1094)
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(716): View more from New York

a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz

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(716): a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz http://tfl.nu/ffgi

Replies (39) Good night (7860) Bad night (867)
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(586): View more from Michigan

just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.

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(586): just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me. http://tfl.nu/oae8

Replies (26) Good night (8858) Bad night (850)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.

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(330): I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face. http://tfl.nu/5edg

Replies (7) Good night (3767) Bad night (1636)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.

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(501): First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come. http://tfl.nu/qjzy

Replies (11) Good night (3527) Bad night (1283)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?

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(618): I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day? http://tfl.nu/kj71

Replies (11) Good night (1335) Bad night (3246)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.

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(814): You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out. http://tfl.nu/306z

Replies (6) Good night (2454) Bad night (1378)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.

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(603): I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail. http://tfl.nu/cdnn

Replies (3) Good night (598) Bad night (1369)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

(802): View more from Vermont

So basically you were a dog.

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(860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s

Replies (14) Good night (8377) Bad night (1036)
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(512): View more from Texas

no drinking for a week

(1-512): View more from Texas

if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes

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(512): no drinking for a week (1-512): if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes http://tfl.nu/kuw5

Replies (4) Good night (2738) Bad night (647)
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(408): View more from California

Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.

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(408): Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked. http://tfl.nu/qje8

Replies (8) Good night (1123) Bad night (1654)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.

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(402): Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right. http://tfl.nu/g2lt

Replies (20) Good night (4716) Bad night (991)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.

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(412): wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago. http://tfl.nu/kdfi

Replies (4) Good night (409) Bad night (793)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH

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(262): The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH http://tfl.nu/v3lg

Replies (0) Good night (734) Bad night (274)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.

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(870): You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it. http://tfl.nu/7wns

Replies (4) Good night (748) Bad night (264)

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