Texts From Last Night

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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!

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  (506): Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT! http://tfl.nu/lyyu
  Replies (3) Good night (929) Bad night (3720)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?

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  (563): Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water? http://tfl.nu/o66m
  Replies (29) Good night (1118) Bad night (4399)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.

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  (203): im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty. (1-203): Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said. (203): Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/bpzi
  Replies (54) Good night (5386) Bad night (1215)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.

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  (206): She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy. http://tfl.nu/ixzo
  Replies (35) Good night (829) Bad night (7194)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.

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  (703): Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea. http://tfl.nu/zyyz
  Replies (17) Good night (936) Bad night (3385)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...

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  (734): Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages... http://tfl.nu/0g83
  Replies (14) Good night (4550) Bad night (1709)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.

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  (940): Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America. http://tfl.nu/rtd9
  Replies (13) Good night (4239) Bad night (914)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.

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  (928): If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself. http://tfl.nu/jcct
  Replies (5) Good night (1402) Bad night (1052)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.

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  (907): Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina. http://tfl.nu/hpd0
  Replies (36) Good night (2834) Bad night (959)
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  (+35): View more from

  I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act

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  (+35): I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act http://tfl.nu/3xru
  Replies (5) Good night (1034) Bad night (572)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts

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  (281): I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts http://tfl.nu/b2dg
  Replies (1) Good night (981) Bad night (850)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.

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  (306): I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer. http://tfl.nu/mo8a
  Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (392)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..

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  (843): It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone.. http://tfl.nu/vld6
  Replies (13) Good night (490) Bad night (1559)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.

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  (843): In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight. http://tfl.nu/6bps
  Replies (3) Good night (758) Bad night (493)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?

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  (519): Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night? http://tfl.nu/8brj
  Replies (2) Good night (531) Bad night (353)

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