Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
