Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
