ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?