dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
