I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
