this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she pinky promised me she was 18
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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