Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
