it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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