he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
