So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
