I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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