walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
