Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
