I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
