The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I smell like Dick and happiness
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
