I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize