If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just pee around me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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