i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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