dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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