i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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