her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
