I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
