just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
