How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Swine flu is the new snow day.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
