So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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