What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
