Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize