the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
