Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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