The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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