The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
