So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you will always have a special place in my vag
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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