whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
