my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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