So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
