loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
