He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
sex in a hospital.. check
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
