Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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