There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
